I wanted... You Heard

I wanted to tell You my deepest fears;
but I could find no words to describe what I meant.
I wanted to tell You the source of my tears,
but just as I began, they dried up,
silent.


I wanted to explain why I had lost hope,
but I was too ashamed,
so I hoped my silence would speak.
I wanted to cry my heart out to You,
again and again,
but my eloquence failed even in tears.


I wanted to leave all others,
and turn only to You,
but I was too weak,
thus I hopped back and forth.
I wanted to be certain,
unshakeable, firm as a rock,
but I wavered in my convictions,
and lost my right of audience.


I wanted to be enveloped,
protected and sheltered in Your care,
but it was I who moved away,
then bemoaned my state.


I wanted to tell one who would hear,
before I said a word,
I wanted one who would comfort,
before I shed a tear,
I wanted one who would come to my aid,
despite my neglect in asking,
and my impatience in seeking.
I wanted one who would not condemn me,
and turn me away for my constant slips.
I wanted so much,
so much more than I could find the words to say.


I wanted too much,
but You heard,
and You gave me so much more.